I saw a man the other day while shopping at Ollie's Bargain Outlet. He was standing at the end of an aisle looking at mattress covers. This man was probably in his sixties and completely bald. On the top of his head slightly off center was a growth the likes of which I have never seen. The base of this distortion was the size of a silver dollar. It tapered up nearly to a point and stood about 2.5 inches off his skull. I was immediately grossed out. A new song starts playing from the store speakers. It's Guns and Roses, Sweet Child of Mine. The dude starts moving to the music as his female companion slithers past. Her head is tilted down but manages to eye me as she moves away. My mind is racing as this bizarre spectacle unfolds. Is she looking for my reaction? What is that thing? What manner of evil wizardry inflicted this man with such a horror. How can the guy dance with that thing on his head? I'm trying to remain calm and look casual. It's fine dude. I don't see anything. He's really getting into the music now. Maybe he loves his growth like a child? I feel myself teetering on the edge of insane laughter. Gotta hold it together. This is not funny. I bolt out of there. Sitting in my car I answer my own question....Why doesn't he put on a hat? Because you would have never seen it, Shelly. So I say.... SEND THAT WICKED THING BACK TO IT'S CREATOR! I COMMAND IT!